MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS
IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND:
- A boyfriend's biceps must be bigger than his Ear Lobes.
- Your Boyfriend must be willing to hand over the Control of the TV
remote, without sweating, swearing, squirming or extreme distortions of
his face.
- Your boyfriend must be able to remember both your first and last
name, within ten minutes of watching Baywatch.
- A boyfriend's vocabulary must include at least 20% intelligible
words mixed in with the typical blend of grunts, snorts, and belches.
- Your boyfriend should be able to defend you against at least two
thugs. If you are willing to help then it should go up to six.
- The sound level of a boyfriend eating a cheeseburger must remain
under 90 decibles...unless he does it in under 6 seconds.
- Your boyfriend must be able to name more great events in American
History than episodes of the Three Stooges.
- Your boyfriend must reserve at least 15 minutes a day for
conversation that does NOT include sports, cars, Super Models, or Science fiction
movies.
- Boyfriend's must know the difference between right and
wrong....you're right and they're wrong!
- Your boyfriend must be able to detect important shifts in your
emotional needs within 3 weeks of when they occur. (PMS)
- Your boyfriend's idea of a date must on occasion include the
possibility of him spending money.
- Your boyfriend must be able to dance at least one dance OTHER than
the hokey-pokey.
- Boyfriend hair guidelines:
A) His hair must never look like a nest
for rodents.
B) His hair must never look better than yours.
C) His hair must never
be longer than yours.
- A boyfriend's idea of a sensative and emotionally satisfying movie
should not iclude any films with Clint, Arnold, or Bruce in it.
- Ideally, boyfriend's should be able to dress themselves with style
and flair...or at least just be able to dress themselves.
- You must not be able to smell your boyfriend's breath beyond a
radius of 4 feet.